No Plans this Weekend. Actually, Just No Plans

    I suppose there are people who sit down and create plans. Plans for the week, the month; goals for the year. I know there are people who plan out there life. I mean, people who have chosen a career, went to school with that career in mind, and then began an internship and or work in the field they had planned to enter.
    I did not even plan which school I wanted to go to. That was something for seventeen and eighteen year old girls in their senior year of high school to do... sitting around a laptop, in pajamas, drinking hot coco. I know, because I witnessed something like that. In our affluent suburb, an aspiring young student could hope to go to a good four year college right out of high school. Many did. And many graduated on schedule and got good jobs. Many others strayed form their plans (or maybe they hadn't planned on partying so much) and ended up in the local community college, at my side.
    I did not plan on anything. It has been a wind-blown existence, but not particularly exciting. The most that I can say is that I picked up on interests along the way, and followed them- half heartedly in some cases, and with a little more fervor in others. Schooling was just something I did because I couldn't think of anything else to do. I did enjoy learning, and there were always girls to meet, but schooling was not telios oriented. I had no goals or designs on my education. Really, just to study things that interested me, and to meet girls. I thought that going to a university to later get a good job and make a lot of money was disgusting, and a perversion of the institution of education. Actually, I still feel that way, mostly.
    But a life without plans can also lack direction. A life without goals to fail or achieve leaves little to reflect upon, and though I plan little, I reflect greatly upon my past experiences. If asked ten years ago where I thought I would be today, I would not have had an honest answer. I would have had a hopeful and extravagant answer, but it would have been made-up, completely make believe. I could not explain how I would be a successful creative anything, because I could not have fathomed the process for that end.
    I am only now trying to figure out that process, and in my limited spare time that a life with no planing has left me. It is akin to reverse engineering a failed design to determine what went wrong, and how to reconstruct the contraption (my life) in a meaningful and lasting way. I don't believe I am too late to begin such a task. I am young yet (having just turned twenty seven), and we are completely free to reinvent ourselves however many times we deem necessary in our lives. I have had bad moments of feeling completely trapped and helpless to change my situation- life in a rut is a hard thing to shake out of- but it is possible. We as human beings can stand almost anything. We are resilient and adaptive to a point where we can accept our station in life, even if it is pretty awful. Some peoples tolerance for bad or bland or bleak situations are higher than others. Others plain don't realize that their situation is crappy.
    I know what my situation is, and distractions can only keep the glaring truth from my eyes for so long. The easy distractions, drinking, television, video games, fail to sway me. The harder distractions, which are the good things in my life- cycling, music, hiking, adventuring, reading, are more effective. I would never surrender my passions- they are more than mere distractions, but they are distractions nonetheless. They rejuvenate me, they help me blow off steam, they make me happy. They make me satisfied with life, and I suspect that they always will. But this is the crux of the problem. I most not allow myself to let my releases become wholly satisfying- I must not become complacent, and accept my formless life to continue in its meandering way. I must be eternally dissatisfied until my times of reflection reveal to me a life well spent, a life full of meaning. Because right now, it's not enough.

A beginning

    I am writing here because I feel I must. My situation is not unique- not in my area or in my time. My situation is not dire- it is one of privilege, but perhaps not enough privilege, for my tastes, anyway.
    This blog and these post will be for those like me, and for myself, because as I will explain below, this is a necessary outlet, and hopefully a healthy and productive one for me as well.
    I would not consider myself over-educated, but I'm educated enough to know that there could be a better life for me out there in the world- the life that my parents told me about- the life of success that comes to those born from white middle class parents in 20th century America. The life where one is not merely getting by, but thriving. I am surviving, as it is, on the things I love, on my hobbies, my friends, my job. But just surviving. If I were to stay the course, I wouldn't foresee anything in my life changing. Or at least not improving. I take enjoyment of life where I can find it, but my current kicks will not satisfy forever- I know this. If I wanted a family, or any sort of financial security, things in my life would have to change in a big and lasting way.
    I know there is a lot of opportunity out there, especially for a college educated twenty something. I have never claimed to be a 'go getter,' and I was never consistently an 'A' student. I never really had plans for what I wanted to do or make of my adult life. I used to look down upon my peers who picked a major and a career path as if they were drawing numbers from a hat. Now I almost envy those who at least had the resolve to choose something and stick with it. Many subjects interested me in school- none of them seemed like something I could make a career out of. Truthfully, I never considered having a career in any field... I never really wanted a career.
    So I left college with a degree in liberal arts and philosophy. I took too long getting out, what with changing majors and transferring between schools. Even the excitement I used to have for learning new and fascinating things diminished. In the end, I left without any formal training to enter the job market. I was not ready to be an engineer, chemist, banker, accountant, or teacher. All I had learned (that I can remember), is how to be an exceptionally good student. I leaned how to do the reading, analyze it, comprehend it, and hold discussions about the subject in a meaningful and informed manner. I can take good notes and study them. At the end, I scored high marks on any and every test. I am grateful for the skills I acquired. I can listen to the evidence, and tell a sound argument from bad. I can read convoluted text and glean meaning from it. I am not without talent and learning, perhaps just drive.
    I realize this is a hell of a first post. I don't mean for this blog to be without humor or wit- I just felt it necessary to explain myself to any and all readers. I have a lot to say, much of which I hope is interesting to at least someone besides myself, and the first step was for me to create a place to do so, and then to write something. This is just the beginning. Future posts will bear more relevance to the title of my blog, and hopefully the spirit of this endeavor will take shape. That is all I can do for now... I needed a beginning of any sort, and this will have to do.